Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I had to take my 12 year old Labrador Retriever, Charlie, on a one way trip to the vet. I didn’t anticipate losing my best friend one short month after we found a marble sized lump on his rib cage right after Christmas. By two weeks ago, that lump was the size of a tennis ball. Our vet diagnosed him with Chondrosarcoma. He said that surgery was an option, but he would probably lose at least one rib. Plus at his age anesthesia could be a little rough. So we opted to keep him comfortable.

It was almost as if once we knew how sick he was, he just let go. He knew that we knew and so he didn’t have to pretend anymore. The weekend was really hard for him and by Sunday night, the pain pills weren’t working anymore either. He was up all night and then on Monday he never laid down. He paced around sat down, got right back up, and paced some more.

He would come over to me and lay his head on my lap and close his eyes. Almost like he was telling me he was ready. I cried all day long. I sat on the floor of the vet’s office and held him while they gave him the shots. It broke my heart and I could barely see to sign the papers through my tears.

My boy is in a much happier place. Where there’s no pain for him. I’m sure he’s running and playing with my other pups that I’ve lost over the years. Laddie, my St. Bernard/English Setter. The first dog my husband and I owned together. Smokie, my first Labrador, and Jubilee, my sweet little Dalmation/Beagle.

All were special and all had their own little idiosyncrasies and I miss them all terribly. My heart is still raw for Charlie. I walk out of the bathroom after my shower and expect to trip on him in the dark. He went just about everywhere with me. If I was doing dishes in the kitchen, he was lying right behind me. When I was working at my desk in my office, he was there too. My office seems so quiet and empty now.

I suspect I will get another puppy sooner than later, because the house is just so quiet with just my husband and me. But for now, I’m still shedding tears for my Charlie Boy, my best friend.